I’ve started and abandoned several posts since March. I got in the habit of writing in Red in the Face, only to have that habit erased by work, work and more work.
Life replaced writing about life, but somehow, life seems less special when you don’t reflect on it.
Does that make sense?
And right now, I should be doing almost anything other that writing. The laundry needs folding. The dogs need walking. The clients need attention. The yard needs mowing. The list goes on for what seems like forever, and yet I made a decision this morning to write. Not because I want people to click on me or because I want search engines to find me, but because I need to in order to preserve my sanity, even if my words are about working out.
Sometimes I get the impression that people think I’m gung-ho dedicated to improving my physical health. But I struggle with the very human and natural desire to relax and enjoy moving slowly just like anyone else. Since March, I’ve battled fatigue, soreness, sometimes lack of motivation. Sometimes I show up to class, halfway hoping it will be cancelled so I won’t have to work hard.
I fear my workouts. They can be extremely difficult, and many times I doubt whether I am physically able to do it.
But I persevere. I allow those negative thoughts, then push them aside and keep going. I do it because I never want to be weak and flabby again. I do it because I need to be strong for my kids — I want to watch them go up, I want to be able to keep up with them. And I don’t want to be sick and unable to move through the world in a way where I can truly appreciate the joy of being alive.
I’m stronger now. I’m capable of lifting and moving a lot more weight than I ever thought possible. It’s not that exciting to watch, but it is exciting to know how far I have come.
My Olympic Lifting coach takes video of my class occasionally. On this day we went for a max in the snatch as well as clean & jerk. I surprised myself by my PR in the snatch lift – 80#. I was disappointed that I did not reach a new max in the clean & jerk. Sloppy technique held me back, but I know I’m cabale of at least 115#. By the end of the year, I want to reach 135#.