Negative thought overdrive

I hate leaving work, then realizing, 2 days later, that I forgot to do something before I left.  I forgot to make a link to Friday night football.  Very small in reality, but a responsibility I totally forgot about, and I really hate that.  Now it’s going to gnaw at me until tomorrow morning when my boss asks me why I forgot.  Gees.  It’s not like I would lose my job over that, but it just screams irresponsibility, and I don’t want that hanging over my head.

I guess it’s obvious I’m a little on edge if something like that bugs me.  I’ve been thinking about that documentary I haven’t sat down to work on since June.  I had a whole day free to work on it, and what do you know?  Wow.. I didn’t work on it.  Big surprise.  I often question my own dedication and drive.  It would get done if I really wanted it.  Apparently, I don’t.  Apparently, I’m just living for the moment… taking that paycheck to tide us over now instead of spending time on something that, at one time, I thought was really important. 

I almost had a nervous breakdown today when Andy echoed some of those same thoughts about his project.  I made him swear not to quit.  I begged him not to give up.  In my mind, he is the guy who’s inspired me to dream outside of the 9 to 5 job, because he’s been working on something he believes in.  And if he gives up, who will I look up to?  His work reminds me of my own.  Yes, I’ve been goofing off, and subconsciously subverting his work at the same time.  I guess this is a wake up call to shape up and get back to business.